2004-11-11 - 4:45 p.m.
I read through my archives and become tangled in memories. Two years ago feels like yesterday and I can remember the cold metal of the car under my back as I stare at that sky full of stars.
Am I less of a romantic now, do I lack sentimentality? He loves me the same, maybe more, but it feels different. I am more aware this time, and sad because of it.
We walk through Central park, my arm looped through his, my hand folded into his, tucked into his pocket. Dancers sashay across a square, tangoing and laughing as we watch from the shadows. I can feel myself grinning and I want to stay there forever, just watching these people kiss and live.
For some reason, it's never enough. I am always hungry for these moments, never satisfied even when days are full fo them.
Words are just words. They are a trade for some, and meaningless for others.
We have never been to the beach.
I want to be kissed on the corner of 3rd avenue. I want to him to tuck my hair behind me ear and smile at me like I am the best surprise in the world. I think maybe I have that now, but I'm never sure. And uncertain is no way to be.
Promise me you'll never leave, is what I want to say, but I've tried that before.
It doesn't work.
~j
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